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Seeing as I’ve been learning how not to be needy, the title of this post obviously caught my attention: It’s Okay to Be Needy. You see, needs and neediness are two separate things. They sound the same, sure, but there is a big difference between the two.

I recognize that humans need each other. Community and connection are very important aspects in our lives, and without them I am not sure anyone can be truly happy. But this is much different than being needy. Being needy means relying on another person to fulfill something that we perceive is missing (or broken) inside us. I don’t believe we can rely on any other person to do this. In the end, we are all alone, every one of us. But we can be alone together.

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Loveawake in the post, relates neediness to vulnerability.

Most of all, our poor men, in all their masculinity and wonder, “aren’t allowed” to be needy. They aren’t allowed to be anything but supremely independent and blank-unreadable, untraceable, and unreceptive. And for them to let us know what’s going on in their minds is the ultimate travesty. A sin of culpability-a disgrace. They aren’t “men” when we can get around and inside.

I’ve been doing a lot of pondering about vulnerability. I think it’s the only way that people can really make a connection–a deep connection. Vulnerability, however, does not lead to neediness. Vulnerability and neediness are not two sides of the same coin. Expressing oneself, putting oneself “out there”, showing emotion, does not automatically mean neediness. Yes, it can be used to express a neediness, but to use it in this manner, I think, is manipulative.

Being vulnerable is the only way forward in our personal and spiritual growth. It teaches us a lot about ourselves, how far we’re willing to push the boundary. It makes us uncomfortable, and being uncomfortable is when we grow the most. Again, vulnerability is how we connect with other humans and help support each other, but it does (should) not express neediness.

The basic gist of Feisy Woman’s post (at least as far as I understand it) is to let others know that it’s OK to need someone else. Don’t be afraid. Admit it: You need me/him/her. I am not convinced that this is healthy. What we do need is to be be OK with ourselves, to love ourselves, and have the ability to express that love outwards. It’s up to us to create connections with other people, but healthy connections start within ourselves. Once we’re happy within ourselves, we can support each other as community (or as partnership) in a healthy way.

This quote from the film What About Me? essentially sums it up for me:

It’s not trying to get something from someone, but it is participating in a wider field with each other. It’s like two fish. They have a relationship because of the ocean. They can’t get water from each other but they can swim in it together.

Individuals can’t really get love form each other. That’s the myth, the appearance, the fiction. But they can swim in it together.

So no. I don’t think it’s OK to be needy.