kazanka.gnomio.com
Bitchiness as a Defense Mechanism: Lessons from Blogging About My Ex
Sponsored Ads
Looking For Single Guys? Try Loveawake Free Dating Site:
Dating Single Women In Slovakia
Today I made a startling discovery — I believe Mr. Cute but Whiny may have discovered my blog. Now I don’t have an affirmative confirmation of my suspicion, but my knowledge of Google Analytics has lead me to believe that the ex has, in fact, found my site. And worse, he has read it.
This realization brought a lot of things to light for me. First and foremost, it told me that homeboy is a lot smarter than I gave him credit for. I was so sure that he would never be able to track my blog down (I covered my tracks meticulously) and I was feeling pretty darn cocky. Turns out, he knows me better than I thought. Whoops.
But more importantly, it reminded me that when my feelings are hurt, I can become a real bitch. Allow me to explain.
Immediately after discovering that he may have read my blog, I went back to see exactly what I said about him. It wasn’t pretty. In fact, in the 10 + posts I mentioned him in, I didn’t say a single nice thing. Not. One. Is this because I have nothing nice to say? Definitely not. In fact, there were a lot of great things about this guy. He was smart, and confident and funny and honestly had a good heart. But when I read everything I had written, none of that came across, and I couldn’t help but wonder why.
As I thought more about it, the truth was pretty obvious. The harshness of my words meant one thing and one thing only – I cared a lot more then I wanted to admit. As flippant as I had been when writing about our relationship, clearly, I was hurt by a few things along the way. And as much as I have tried to tell myself I didn’t care all that much when we broke up, the proof was right in front of me that, clearly, I did. And then I realized this was not the first time I have acted all tough and feisty because I was feeling hurt.
In fact, my break up with Mr. Not Quite Right was a prime example. I broke up with him, dropped him off at home, immediately went home and changed my FB status, and then spent the rest of the day updating my Facebook about how I was hanging out with my guy friends (the ones he hated so much). Clearly bitchy. And if I look back farther, my entire 8 year “relationship” with D has been one giant bitch-fest after another. But the underlying theme in all these examples was that I was hurting and didn’t want to admit it. So then the question remains, am I an anomaly, or do all girls use bitchiness as a defense mechanism?
Well, I don’t know about all women, but I would venture to guess that there are at least a few other ladies out there like me. Girls who when backed into a corner, will go on the offensive and who will do just about anything to avoid the, “oh crap this really sucks” feeling. Now is that the healthiest way to handle being hurt? Certainly not. But it does at least let you avoid a wallowing, debbie-downer situation (which isn’t particularly healthy either).
The truth is, no one handles being hurt well – male or female. That’s because being hurt is a shitty feeling and there is no guidebook on how to deal with it. Some people become bitchy and lash out. Others will just full on cut you out of their lives. And then there are the people who choose to just perma-mope. In the future, I am hoping to do none of these. Rather, my goal would be to correctly identify the hurt feeling, address it, and move forward.
Now do I regret the things I wrote about Mr. Cute but Whiny? No. Frankly, they were all true. I just wish I had admitted to myself how I was really feeling and then perhaps I would have presented a bit more balanced side of that particular relationship. I also wish I hadn’t put “pear harvesting” in my blog. Damn SEO… Live and learn, right?