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If you follow me on twitter, you’ve seen my tweets about eHarmony.  I’ve always been a fan of the site.  They have great customer service, an good interface, great PR people, etc. but I have NEVER had any luck with them.  I decided to give them one last try when a good girlfriend of mine who had never online dated before went on eHarmony, got matched on the second day with a cute guy (and her only online date ever) and married him 5 months later.

So, I joined with a 6-month subscription hoping for the best.  Over the last 6 months I have been matched with hundreds of guys. There are only 20 that I would even consider dating.  I have reached out to all 20 of them and not heard back from ANYONE.  5 guys have proactively reached out to me.  Think that’s shitty?  Try this… more than half of my matches haven’t been active in OVER A MONTH.  We all know what that means… they aren’t paying for the site anymore and aren’t going to be looking at your profile or getting your messages anyway.  They probably met someone in a bar and are getting sex on the reg.

So, I emailed eHarmony (3 times!) about my online dating concerns with their site and never heard back.  I finally called this morning.  This is what they told me…

Me: I’m really concerned. I have been on your site for 6 months and haven’t had any communication let alone a date.
EH: Let me look into it… your profile looks great!
Me: That’s fantastic, but according to your site, no one even looks at it.
EH: Well, you’re doing everything right.
Me: Ok, thanks. So, it’s just that no one wants to date me?
EH: Let me look into this.
Me: Tweeting my disgust for eHarmony…
EH: I had a couple other people look at your profile and we all agree that it is great. I’m a guy and would totally communicate with you.
Me: Well, that’s great, but you’re not one of my matches, so that does me no good.
EH: I don’t know what else to tell you. Reach out to more people and good luck!
Me: Fucking fabulous. Thanks.

In my other life, I’ve been dating someone for a couple of weeks who doesn’t plan ahead… 2 weeks in between dates and only reactive texts (yes, guys I know… this is why he has been deleted from my phone). It blows. They are the best dates I’ve EVER been on, but as I learned from Justin Long in He’s Just Not That Into You…

It’s 10:30am in LA and I think I’m going to open a bottle of wine. Cheers!