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Love Addict: How To F*ck Up a Relationship
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Decide he or she didn’t respond in the way you needed them too. Definitely do not tell them they should’ve said ‘you are okay even in the middle of all this fuckedupness’ or give them the benefit of the doubt or any such things. Immediately grant yourself victory for your initial assumption that he/she could not handle and/or process the depths you go to on a daily basis. Their quiet listening is the true indicator of their worth – they are simply judging you behind that steady gaze, and you know this isn’t something you can live with for the rest of your life. If you hadn’t already planned that party together at his/her house next week, you would immediately say auf wiedersehen.
Demand he/she spend time with you when you want, but that they should be understanding when you need your alone time. Let’s be real here, they aren’t the type that needs alone time, so when they suddenly say, ‘I think I’m just gonna hang out at home tonight and read this book’ it means something is wrong in your relationship (according to them). They are definitely pulling away. Therefore, you must pull away first, so that they understand the power dynamic has shifted and they are no longer in control with their little “hang out at home” drivel.
Pull back without telling him/her why. Be short in phone conversations so that they will draw you out and ask what is wrong, but they won’t do that because they feel as if you are upset at them and they don’t want to rock the boat. Or they now feel awkward since there is an iciness hanging over the line, so they don’t exactly know how to ask what’s going on. Take this as a sign of them not caring enough and/or an ‘I win’ (though not in that Charlie Sheen “winning” kinda way). Drama has now been created so they are more intrigued, more wedded to you. Congratulate yourself as you simultaneously feel a slight pit in your stomach.
Tell them you have different communication styles that just don’t “jive.” Of course, one is not better than the other, you say (though of course you know your honest, upfront approach is much better than his/her needing time to think/slow to respond ways), they are just different, and having a similar communication style is important in a relationship. Stand strong in your beliefs that they need to try and start communicating more along your terms if this is going to work, though really, you know we are who we are, and we don’t really change over time.
Start to get really paranoid when they take a couple of hours to call you back instead of a couple of minutes. Do not answer the phone when they do call. I mean, who do they think they are? You are not sitting around, waiting for their call. You’re busy. You’re important. You have things to do, people counting on you.
Who's paranoid? / Photo: nicoleleec
Your bangs need to be cut/sideburns trimmed and your pet rock coddled. Er, pet cat. You make plans to go out with the guys/girls. You casually call the next (late) morning and say, “Sorry I didn’t get back to you yesterday. The guys/girls dragged me out for PBRs/margaritas. I was too wasted to even check my phone.” Say this in a slow, hungover drawl, convincing his/her answering machine, because they did not actually pick up the phone.
Puncture their face in that smiling picture the two of you took at Knott’s Berry Farm that was just so ironic (I mean, you both just went for the free mushrooms his/her friend was giving out for their birthday, right? Now you consider that he/she wasn’t being ironic, but really is just a dweeb). Cut yourself out and hang it on the fridge cause dammit, it’s a good picture of you. Look over longingly at your cell phone across the kitchen table and think, ‘maybe it’s been malfunctioning? Damn that AT&T!’ but then remember you just got a call from AT&T 20 minutes before, reminding you that you were late on paying your bill.
Get the email. Yep, the email, not the knock at the front door, the phone call, but at least not the text. Hear the sigh in his/her voice expressing itself through the written words on Gmail. Read that the timing isn’t right/realize they need to focus on their career/kid/grandmother/pet rock/that this hurts them tremendously to say/that they knew how both of you thought the other was the one/that maybe you made it impossible for you to be the one/that they just don’t know how to be in this relationship anymore/that life is life and hey, sometimes these things just don’t work out.